I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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