listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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