yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
