He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize