Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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