i just wanna soil my oats bro
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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