i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
