those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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