Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
