i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
did i just pee glitter
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
