I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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