whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
