The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
