I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
