If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
