Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
