The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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