She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
