Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
