Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
