her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
