If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
