He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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