with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
