Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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