Christians are straight up FREAKS
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Randomize