miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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