Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
