That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
