she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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