dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
