Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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