it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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