I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
