i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
