____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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