Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
