my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
