Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
