I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
