i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
