He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
