I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
