the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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