if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
