We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
