I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
