Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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