I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
