The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
