oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
