Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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