apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
