I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
