I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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