I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
high people should be assigned attendants
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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