in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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