as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
