I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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