i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
