Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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