The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
how drunk are you?
Several
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize