Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize