Im at strip club and am horny
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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