Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
