I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
