I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
